A chance meeting yesterday, and I have sort of looked forward to it. However, what I didn't expect was the strangeness that has crept in after so long. It was like there's no recognition at all, being so polite when it should not have been. Its like familiarity in its strangeness, more of an acknowledgement, rather than reunion. I suppose, its probably time to really let go, and look on ahead... Time have not done any good at all, and instead, further pulling open a gap that has been there for a long time already. Just like a boat drifting away from the shores, embarking on a long long journey, not even turning its head back once. Haiz... So sianz. Sort of reminds me of my past, when I always gave up at the most crucial moment, always giving the excuse of what will be, will always be. Haha.. Look where that have brought me to. Sometimes I wonder, did I really grow stronger? Or have I in fact become alienated from my inner self? Have I become a stationary stone, when I should have become the stream of running water? Have I really lost my way... when I should have at last found the hidden road in the jungle?
Sometimes, it really feels frustrating when you have really tried so hard, but nothing seems to be going the way you wanted. Sometimes, I really want to withdraw myself. Let myself drown. Heck care about everything. I thought I have found my path recently. Turns out it leads to another ravine in the jungle. And my chance meeting. It's just another slap on my face I suppose. What the hell was I thinking.. Heck, I keep telling myself to let go for the past 2 years. Turns out that I still harboured some of it deep down inside me. Ahahahaa... Screwed up myself there, didn't I? Haha... guess its back to the drawing board, then. Damn this pragmatic world we live in.
Sorry if this post seems too emo for your liking. Just like a woman having her pms every month, sometimes a guy also have to vent out all his frustrations too. Ah. I do feel better suddenly. Hahahahahahaa.....
Hm.... Been officially working for about a month already. Its really not an easy job, there are so many obstacles, and there are so many setbacks. I have already faced countless rejections already in just one month. Sometimes, it feels so frustrating, when you just can't seem to get anything right, and sometimes, you feel like you are getting nowhere. But somehow, I always feel that its kinda rewarding and meaningful too, when you see that the people you managed to talk to becomes interested, and some even become aware of what we do and realise the importance of it. I suppose, its these small little things that keeps me going, to remind me that my decision to enter this line of work is the right one. I am helping people, and I find that pretty meaningful. I may not be able to help all, but I already feel proud that at least I can help as many as I can..
Haha, I guess most people are always scepticle about what we do, or are simply not interested. What to do? Guess I have to slowly push these guys, and perservere. Sincerity, I believe, will evetually win them over ba. I do have to admit, this job is quite fun! Haha, though the presentations I give are just like JC project work again, but at least I learn alot from my mentor. Ah well, guess I will be making my calls again
