My appeal to advance to JC2 has been rejected. After a whole week of waiting, I have already lost hope. I am tired of fighting for something that will not happen at all. All my life, my hopes, have been crushed. It has ended here. To think that I spent one whole year--one bloody fucking year. What has it come to? Where has it gone? Where have I gone? NOWHERE. I remain here. Only now I am just a shadow of my former self. Gone was the happy go lucky character of mine. What replaced that is just a broken man. A man, without hope. Without life. Without purpose. A man, whose life has been changed in just one night. Here lies me, a nobody. A FAILURE. Its so ironic, isn't it? I am the eldest in the family. I am expected to score well. To achieve. To be the best. My parents hired the best tutors to teach me, to help me score. But what did I do? I did NOTHING. I threw away my parents money. I disspointed them. I am just a worthless person to them now. Ironic, isn't it? Why can't my parents be like any other?! Why can't they just let me do the best to my abilities? Why is it that when others get an E grade, I have to get at least a B??!?! Why force me? Why push me? I am just some stupid retarded ass who can't do a single thing right. WHY FORCE ME? The bubble of security has already burst. I no longer am confident of myself. Gone was the thought that in the end, everything will turn out alright. I just failed everything with fucking bright dazzling colours. How ironic. From now on, I am no longer going to care. From now on, I am on my own. From now on, I am no longer Melvin. This, is the first time I cried in years. Fuck my life.

Hark my call.
Full of despair.
Of Anguish.
Swept away by the harricane,
no light can pass.
Drowning in my own tears,
Blinded by the void.
Alone.
Drowning.
A fate worse than death,
a life worse than failure.
Hear my cries.
Of anguish,
none can hear.
Deep down in the deep void of darkness,
I found the power of acting without hope.
A void of shattered hopes and dreams,
a broken man I am.
Despair, anguish, dissapointment.
My friends from now on.
The power that drives me on.
The power of the void.
Hark my call.
The last call you will ever hear.

{-+-}