I admit it. I am a coward. To think I spent years trying to figure out my emotions and understand better. To think that for years, I have been performing on stage to other people, be it piano or wushu, I can still freak out when that moment came. I admit it. I dare not get up to ask. I let fear take over me instead. Thinking back about it now, reflecting upon it... I really regret my actions. Or in this case, lack of action. Maybe I should have just not wasted any time, and just do I had to do once and for all... Now, I doubt anything can save me from this mistake. I really am a loser... Perhaps, that gives me a reason not to be defensive if people looks down on me now... And, I really face to face reality now. I had been denying it for the past few months now. I simply am not part of the class. For months, I had tried blending in with my classmates. But the more I try, the more I realise that something is lacking, either in me or them. Maybe I had some strained relations with them, maybe I deserved to be called an asshole for some things I have done, I don't really care anymore. I can't go on pretending that everything is fine anymore. Everything is wrong. I am not fine. I am not happy. I never was happy... I never was... Right now, all I wish is that I could turn back time, and just forget everything that has happened... But it's just not gonna happen, isn't it? Sigh.... Me and my crappy life.

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